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Tae self-identifies as a queer youth of color. She is 20 years old. Tae came close to enlisting in the Navy, but for the moment has decided not to join. In an interview with Emma Schutz Fort, she talked about her decisions, questions, concerns, hopes, and fears.

What first interested you about the Navy?

Militarism runs in my family … I grew up in that environment, that structure. Also, the travel part, and [the chance to] gain independence.

What kind of information did you have?

I actually went to the recruitment office and talked to them. They gave me several different options I could choose from, and I am still in touch with them. It is just that I wasn’t ready and I had other issues going on I had to take care of first, so I basically just put it aside for a moment. [I met] Grethe Cammemeyer. I talked to her a few times … . [At one political event, she told me] “By the way, I put a card at your table, where you’re sitting, with my phone number.” [Ed Note: Margarethe Cammemeyer is a much-decorated veteran whose military career spanned 31 years. A former Army colonel. she served in the Army reserves and the Washington State National Guard. After seeking a top secret security clearance, and revealing that she was lesbian, she was discharged. She challenged the military’s anti-gay policy in court. Her story is documented in her autobiography, Serving in Silence.]

What did you and Grethe talk about? What kind of stuff did she tell you?

How to be safe inside the military, me being out here, and then going there, how I can actually be comfortable with the military, but also be safe with my personal life. She gave me a lot of good advice.

[She was] basically telling me how to be careful, especially [about] discussing my private life with people. That is something she told me that I wasn’t aware of, having a [separate] military life and a personal life and family life. If I had a partner, [I should] just be completely aware of all the things that can happen and might happen.

Was there any other specific information or were there tactics that the recruitment office used in trying to appeal to you?

My big thing is school, [so they are] basically saying I can go to school and get all these benefits, and that is all really cool. But at the same time, I am still trying to figure out if I can actually [keep] my personal life and military life separate. I’m not sure if I could actually do that.

As a queer person, a woman, and a person of color, what were your thoughts, when you were thinking about going into it, about being involved with an institution that has a history and reputation of homophobia and racism?

There is going to be sexism and homophobia everywhere. If I fought it here, why can’t I fight it there? I am thinking if I do go into the military, I want to change it. It is completely ridiculous; do you know how many queer people are in the military, especially in the Navy? Basically, I am thinking of a way I can change it.

What was your vision of what you wanted to get out of it, what you could gain for your future, what were your visions or aims of what you could get out of the Navy?

Do your homework, you gotta know what you're up against, and you gotta be aware of everything. Do your homework, research, you gotta know the latest information, know if it is safe for you to come out yet or not, if it is OK for you to talk to your fellow soldiers about if you're queer or not. -Tae, 20

A house, use them for the benefits, because when you are in the military your money stacks up because you are not spending it. They are giving you your food and all that. Basically, taking care of my family, that is my number one thing … [They are also] basically saying I can go to school and get all these benefits, and that is all really cool.

Why did you decide not to go in?

Because my mother got in sort of a bind, basically her and my stepdad decided to get a divorce and my mom needed a job, and I’m the only one with a job, and that is still the situation right now. So I am paying rent there and helping her with the bills and stuff. Because I also have a younger sibling, and I don’t want that sibling not having any support … I got a discharge like a week before I was supposed to leave.

What did your family and friends think about you joining?

When I first came home, [I] was like, “Guess what I just did!” [Members of my family] weren’t too thrilled … I had a talk with my family, telling them I really want to do this, and either you guys are going to support me or you guys don’t. Either way I am going to do what I want to do … when I decided not to go, oh my God, they were extremely happy, instead of a good-bye party, they threw a [staying home] party. [My friends said] “You are insane! You’re crazy!” I mean maybe I am, so be quiet!

I know all the pros and cons, my god, I took the oath … they have like two pages right before you take the oath to sign saying like how homosexuality is totally prohibited. I was reading it and I was like laughing because I know so many gay people in the military. Like if you are caught, like just holding hands with a person of the same sex, you could be like holding their hand, looking at their hand, but they will totally do an investigation on you. It was weird because I was under investigation for three months, because they talk to everybody. I was a little paranoid, because I had a girlfriend.

When you were telling friends,they freaked out because, of course, you could get killed. But what else do you think they were freaked out about?

Because of … well, you might be living a lie. They were worried because sometimes some of the guys take advantage of the women. … They really worried about a lot of things, and I was like reassuring them, you know, it’s OK, it’s me, I can take care of myself...

Do you know what the laws are right now?

Before they sent [a friend of mine] to Iraq, he told them he was gay. They told him, it’s the new millennium, who gives a sh--? But when he comes back, since he stated that he’s gay, and it’s in the contract that he signed, that you can actually go to prison for
being gay … But they are saying it’s OK.

Because they wanted a body to fight?

Yes, exactly … It’s your body, you’re a soldier, and you’re out there, you’re going to sacrifice your life. That’s all they see. When you come back … you gotta be totally prepared for everything.
They can just start doing an investigation on you. You gotta be cautious 24/7.

So how are you feeling about it all now? Do you know what you’re gonna do?

I am still trying to figure out if I can actually [keep] my personal life and military life separate. I’m not sure if I could actually do that. I still don’t know. I mean, everyday I change my mind. I am really indecisive. What do I want to be when I grow up? I’m almost there.

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